..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
