Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
