i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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