This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
