I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
