so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize