he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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