It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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