i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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