Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
