Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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