Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
