If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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