i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
