Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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