Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
