My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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