Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
