We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
