i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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