drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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