we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
