So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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