i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
