did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
