Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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