I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize