I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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