I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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