AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
