I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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