As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
