69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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