Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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