Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
