And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
