I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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