No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
