Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
