I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Drunk is a universal language darling
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
