Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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