Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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