TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
