Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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