And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
