I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is classic penis vs brain.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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