there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
