even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
