I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
