There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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