I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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