well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize