...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think i got beer on your cat.
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