K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
