i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
