Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
