Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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