His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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