I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
