He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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