Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
