please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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