I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
